Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Marriage and Kids

I am 28 years old. I am not married nor to I have any kids but because we live in a Facebook world I know I am not the norm. I get to watch my friends in their first or second marriage relish in their sacred bonds and produce little babies. It appears that is what you do, get married and pop a kid. It is not limited to Facebook either; I have several friends getting married in real life and more friends talking about the concept of children. It baffles me a little but it also makes me wonder about choices. Why do people choose to get married?

I believe I was in high school when I first told people I did not care if I got married. It felt like an antiquated thing to do, have your father give you to a man or woman, agree to “obey” and the list goes on. Most of the weddings that I have been to have not been that much fun, the ceremony is dull, long and like most church services not inspiring. The receptions have been the highlight, friends and family cheer, dance, and celebrate. The couple gets presents, money and all sorts of “blessings”. The reception is the good part.

I also tend to feel we live in a markedly unfair time in our country. Why should I be allowed to marry a man but not a woman? Where is the fairness in allowing my 4 year relationship to trump a 10 year relationship? As my sweetie says “We would not belong to a club that keeps out Jews so why should we belong to a legal institution that does the same?”. We have tossed out other alternatives to legal marriage and we might approach the whole situation like a gay couple would. In the effort of full disclosure we tried to figure out how to become domestic partners in Wisconsin but oddly enough that is not allowed, because we are straight. We can only get married; I think we are being discriminated against…

I do have ovaries, I love me some David Tutera and “Say Yes to the Dress”. I like seeing two people make a leap of faith but even if that is “Reality” it is not real life. In real life the only people who can have a legal marriage in this country that is legal in every state are the breeders. Also in real life most people can not afford a 25k wedding. People go into debt to get married, let that sink in. That is how they “start” their lives together under a mountain of debt, its insanity.

Kids on the other hand are an entirely easier topic to discuss for me. I don’t want them. It is that simple. I like kids and kids generally like me but I do not want them. We have a happy and fulfilling life with out kids. Children while I am sure are wonderful to have, complicate lives and I am not willing to deal with that. I am lucky I live in a time where I can choose to not have kids. I am more than willing to be the fun Aunt to all my friends kids, may they reproduce and be happy.

No I know that this is not a fitness nor a geeky topic but it is something I want to talk about. See the other side of being 28, unmarried and with out kids is I am constantly asked about this. I have been in a happy healthy relationship for four years so obviously I should be married or there is something broken. I am happy and that trumps legal papers (but I do want the gifts) and being part of a flawed system. This is not about fitness but rather this is about being healthy.

PS: Good job on the California supreme courts ruling on Prop. 8, who knew you can’t give rights to people then vote to take them away…

1 comment:

  1. I think your stand is awesome! We're long past the age of "needing" to get married. There's so much emphasis on the big white wedding and going into debt, it makes me angry. It's this huge industry that's there solely to make money off a crazy bride. Now, full disclosure here, I'm married. I got married with no bridesmaids, no groomsmen, no fancy wedding dress, but our whole ceremony (that didn't involve the word OBEY)cost a whopping... $2,000. It's possible to get married and still be happy with what you had, but corporate greed teaches us something different.

    As for the kids thing, I think it's a pretty mature thing to decide. Kids aren't for everyone. (Any nightly newscast will tell you that.) I don't think we need to procreate to be complete people and I admonish people that do. I do have kids and I'm lucky I was able to. I'll leave at that, but I'm certainly not going to push the idea of kids on everyone around me. Having loving, doting aunts that give the kid back after a couple of hours are JUST as important as being parents.