Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Cancer and Family

My father was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago, he had 17 inches of his colon removed and on Saturday I was told he was finally termed “Cancer Free” and “Cured”.  Monday he went in for a hernia repair, a fairly mundane procedure and they found cancer and this time they could not simply remove it.
I am broken hearted.  In a perfect world I could fly down and be there as they figure out what the next step is.  It is not a perfect world, in fact while I can fly down I have no time off and if I took time off with no pay it would put us in a bad place.  The fact is I can either take time off or afford the plane ticket, not both.

It also brings up all the issues I have with my family anyway.  I don’t find myself often wanting to reach out to speak with my Mom or Brother.  It is not because I don’t care but rather because it is never really about talking to me it is about them telling me all about themselves and any thing I say is twisted right back to them. 

Make no mistake, I moved to Wisconsin because I am in love.  I felt and still feel like this is the best place for me, I am happy.  There is a point in your life where you have to stand up and do what you have to take care of yourself, to live your dreams.  I choose to be happy and in love.  I knew it was a giant leap of faith but everyone stands on that ledge, I got to jump. 

In this vein, I can say that regardless of what is currently happening in my life NO ONE has even made a real attempt to come and visit me.  The roads that would take me to Texas also takes anyone from Texas to Wisconsin and those plane things, fly both ways.  Sometimes I feel like no one respects the life I have made or they think this is a phase and I will come home when I am tired of this game.  I don’t think they care or are willing to accept that I left and it actually worked out.  My mom always says she doesn’t worry about me because I will always land on my feet, it’s funny that when that played out they did not seem to be there.

Regardless of my issues with my family it makes me so sad that my father has to deal with this and I am not easily accessible to him.  This reoccurrence makes me uneasy and I feel like a nervous cat.  Any stress will make me break into tears, I am searching for distraction.  I am throwing myself into games, and raising my new kitten.  This is real life and it’s my life. 

I am walking in Relay for Life again and I am taking donations though I am not the captain.  If you feel compelled please click the link below


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