Tuesday, May 8, 2012

A Frank Conversation

I am going to give the This American Life warning here, this blog post while not explicit will acknowledge the existence of sex.

I do not know about a lot, there are only a few things that I would say I know a lot about at this point in my life I would say it is diets, exercise, gaming and sex.  I say I know a lot about sex because I have spent a lot of time learning about it.  I am a geek so I firmly believe that you must be knowledgeable about a topic in order to enjoy it.  I watch specials, read books and magazines on the topic.  I am open and honest and not ashamed to admit that I don’t know something but I will learn more about it.  It seems in my group of friends, I am one of the few people with extensive experience and knowledge on the topic.  In part because I refused to just learn in the dark of a bedroom.  I have had sex at 350lbs, with men, women and myself.  I have learned the terms for tons of acts and have tried a lot of them. 


First I want to talk about plus sized sex (never google that phrase).  When I was larger and I got the opportunity to have sex there were issues that people are ashamed to think about let alone talk about.  One of the biggest issue is all the extra person involved, it limits the positions and your own confidence.  If you are both larger people, missionary can be difficult, but if you take one or two pillows and place them under your hips you can modify the position enough to make it easier.  By raising your hips you readjust the shape of your body to allow for easier access.  You can keep you hips raised to make oral easier as well.  Traditional doggy can be difficult as well, but that is easily fixed by standing…and don’t be afraid to use a step or stool.  You can also go woman on top because it is easier to control your body.

And since I brought it up, lets talk oral.  It seems to be a common phenomenon that women learn to give men head but never really learn to receive it.  For larger women it is in part a confidence issue.  You feel very open and vulnerable laying back and receiving.  You have this extra weight and body that makes you feel less sexy.  When ever a woman tells me they do not like getting (I will deal with men not giving in a minute) I want to talk them through why.  I will admit I often blame the person giving but I have found that women, don’t know what is going on down there.  My first suggestion is grab a hand mirror, go to a safe place and study.  Don’t be scared or nervous and take time to study yourself.  Learn where and what everything is down there then, go try it out for yourself.  Now you can try to have some one go down town and give it a college try. 

Men who don’t go down but want you to are sad people, if you truly hate receiving than this does not apply.  Sex is all about mutual pleasure and satisfaction.  I generally think though that those men are traumatized.  They have been with women who either hated it or had bad hygiene.  They also could be just assholes; there is no reason to believe that if a man refuses to go down on you that it is your fault.  It is also their fault when you refuse to go down on them.  If they want to get they should give as well.


Lets talk about masturbation for a moment.  I personally love masturbation and I think it is an important for a person’s overall sex life.  For women of all sizes it is almost fundamental because it allows us to get comfortable with our bodies, our size, shape and how they feel.  Most people who masturbate are more comfortable with sex in general.  Manual stimulation is probably more common than the use of toys, regardless of what porn shows us. 

A basic breakdown, women generally reach orgasm by clitoral stimulation.  That is why toys vibrate and why some women can not actually climax during intercourse.  If you do have toys, I am willing to bet they are made to engage both the clit and the vagina.  Masturbation is not only a solo activity…just saying


I love porn.  Porn can serve several purposes, it can stimulate fantasies and give ideas, it can let us “participate” in activities we can not do and it makes masturbation super easier.  It can give us a very simple way to relieve stress.  In a relationship it can help you find common likes and fetishes with out having conversations that may make people uncomfortable.  Porn can also help you feel more comfortable with the act of masturbation.


Now for a topic I am really passionate about…safety.  If you engage in sexual activity you must be safe, if you are not and I know you I will make fun of you and drive you to Planned Parenthood myself for so you can get a lecture and protection.  Condoms are wonderful, cheap and fairly effective if you are having casual sex or you are in a committed relationship and you don’t want kids.  Ladies and Gents if you are going down on a stranger, use a condom or dental dam.  Use birth control of some kind if you are both tested and you trust that you are both monogamous.  You don’t have to be on the pill, there are lots of options and if you are insured talk to you Ob/Gyn and find the option that works for you.  I personally use an IUD, because I want long term no thought birth control.

I am not sure if this has been informative or not, but I hope it at least makes you think about sex as something that is not taboo or shameful.  Feel free to ask me questions, on facebook, twitter or email me.

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