Tuesday, May 8, 2018

Accepting Loss

I learned today that I have to accept losses in my life.  While I could sit here and talk about the people I have lost in my life.  I am not talking about that kind of loss, that takes everyone time.  I would never presume to tell anyone how to handle the loss of a person.

No, today I am talking about the loss of my fitness.  There was a time when I could flit from workout to work out.  I could try something new and not really be slowed down by the difficulty, I could easily adjust and just be sore in the morning.  I could run for several minutes outside and not think about it but not any more.

I am starting over, completely.  I forgot the feeling of starting over, that tightness in your chest, the fear of missing a step and the fear of not completing a workout.  Part of me wants to have the compassion I would give anyone just starting out.  There is another part of me that hates this, hates me for letting go, for not taking care of myself.

I have to accept that I am not what I used to be.  I have to reframe my life to take fitness back, to bring my former self out of the stupor I have allowed it to become.

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